Women are prone to expressing their emotions. In fact, we all know that keeping your emotions bottled up inside is not healthy and can lead to ulcers, heart attacks, and other nasty health disorders. While I totally encourage you to let those tears fly, I do not think that letting them loose at work will help your career one bit.
So what do you do when you feel your tears welling up and you're at work? This has happened to me on several occassions. In fact, I've given a presentation in a client's boardroom after socializing the ideas with senior management for a startup company. I went into the presentation consisting of 10 men and 1 woman with all my ducks lined up in a row, feeling like a powerful woman,
only to have my presentation torn to shreds by the directors, vice-presidents, and senior managers. I can only liken it to "a pack of wolves coming after me"
and feeling like "a deer in headlights."
I was floored because, in the previous few days, they all seemed like they were totally on board with what I was pitching. It's a terrifying and mortifying moment that I will never forget and I still shudder to this day.
So what do you do when this happens and all eyes are on you and the tears start to well up?
Jump Outside Your Body and Quickly Assess the Situation
I looked around the room and tried to figure out where it was coming from. I had already socialized my ideas, so I knew/thought that it couldn't be the presentation.
After spending the last few days with these senior execs in this start up company, I had seen the power plays that were going on between them. There were too many directors and vice-presidents in this company, and they were all afraid that they would be shown the door. By stepping outside my body, I could see that they were all challenging me to show the others that they were important and that their ideas were better than the consultant's (me) that had been brought in to overhaul their documentation. They felt threatened that I was introducing new ideas which, they felt, meant that what they had been doing in this area was wrong. They were afraid to be let go.
Determining that outside forces were at work and that I was not the focal point of this fight, I still had to decide what to do. Everything in me want to run.After spending the last few days with these senior execs in this start up company, I had seen the power plays that were going on between them. There were too many directors and vice-presidents in this company, and they were all afraid that they would be shown the door. By stepping outside my body, I could see that they were all challenging me to show the others that they were important and that their ideas were better than the consultant's (me) that had been brought in to overhaul their documentation. They felt threatened that I was introducing new ideas which, they felt, meant that what they had been doing in this area was wrong. They were afraid to be let go.
Fight or Flight?
Running away can sometimes be a good thing as it allows you to regroup; however, in a presentation, it shows weakness and, as a woman, this doesn't help in the workplace and sets a precident in people's minds for how you respond in tough situations. Here's what I did:
- I refrained from jumping in while the men fought with each other. As a woman, we need to suppress the urge to fix everything. It's not our job in the workplace, or it would be a company of one.
- I stood up tall (all 5 foot, two inches of me), sucked in a big breath, and redirected the focus back to my points on my presentation.
- I asked for specifics about what they didn't like and why they didn't think it would work.
- I had done my homework so I quoted statistics and their sources and asked them to cite the sources behind their opinions. This caused a few of them to go quiet.
- I tried to see value behind their concerns and told them that I would give some thought into how we might encorporate a flavor of their opinions into the plan. Remember, with a response like this, they feel important, but you haven't committed to anything.
In effect, I took the focus away from me and didn't allow myself to be a victim.
After I had the meeting back under control, I wrapped it up (earlier than I had planned) stating that I would discuss these points with my contact and we would decide the next steps. I thanked everyone for their time and walked out with my head held high and took an early lunch which allowed me to get my head back together before my afternoon meetings.
Going Forward Plans
After this setback, I took some time to decide if this company's good points outweighed its blatant power struggles and inside politics.Once again, it's important to look at the big picture and realize that other forces might be at play.
Is the current situation a growing cancer, or is it an isolated incident?
If it's an isolated incident, soldier on and continue the good work that you do. If it is part of a growing problem, decide whether it's worth the frustration it is causing you. It might be time to move on to greener pastures.
