Controlling Your Drama in the Workplace

Women are prone to expressing their emotions. In fact, we all know that keeping your emotions bottled up inside is not healthy and can lead to ulcers, heart attacks, and other nasty health disorders. While I totally encourage you to let those tears fly, I do not think that letting them loose at work will help your career one bit.

So what do you do when you feel your tears welling up and you're at work? This has happened to me on several occassions. In fact, I've given a presentation in a client's boardroom after socializing the ideas with senior management for a startup company. I went into the presentation consisting of 10 men and 1 woman with all my ducks lined up in a row, feeling like a powerful woman, 

only to have my presentation torn to shreds by the directors, vice-presidents, and senior managers. I can only liken it to "a pack of wolves coming after me" 

and feeling like "a deer in headlights."

I was floored because, in the previous few days, they all seemed like they were totally on board with what I was pitching. It's a terrifying and mortifying moment that I will never forget and I still shudder to this day.

So what do you do when this happens and all eyes are on you and the tears start to well up?

Jump Outside Your Body and Quickly Assess the Situation

I looked around the room and tried to figure out where it was coming from. I had already socialized my ideas, so I knew/thought that it couldn't be the presentation.

After spending the last few days with these senior execs in this start up company, I had seen the power plays that were going on between them. There were too many directors and vice-presidents in this company, and they were all afraid that they would be shown the door. By stepping outside my body, I could see that they were all challenging me to show the others that they were important and that their ideas were better than the consultant's (me) that had been brought in to overhaul their documentation. They felt threatened that I was introducing new ideas which, they felt, meant that what they had been doing in this area was wrong. They were afraid to be let go.

Fight or Flight?

Determining that outside forces were at work and that I was not the focal point of this fight, I still had to decide what to do. Everything in me want to run.

Running away can sometimes be a good thing as it allows you to regroup; however, in a presentation, it shows weakness and, as a woman, this doesn't help in the workplace and sets a precident in people's minds for how you respond in tough situations. Here's what I did:

• I refrained from jumping in while the men fought with each other. As a woman, we need to suppress the urge to fix everything. It's not our job in the workplace, or it would be a company of one.
• I stood up tall (all 5 foot, two inches of me), sucked in a big breath, and redirected the focus back to my points on my presentation. 
• I asked for specifics about what they didn't like and why they didn't think it would work.
• I had done my homework so I quoted statistics and their sources and asked them to cite the sources behind their opinions. This caused a few of them to go quiet.
• I tried to see value behind their concerns and told them that I would give some thought into how we might encorporate a flavor of their opinions into the plan. Remember, with a response like this, they feel important, but you haven't committed to anything.

In effect, I took the focus away from me and didn't allow myself to be a victim. 

After I had the meeting back under control, I wrapped it up (earlier than I had planned) stating that I would discuss these points with my contact and we would decide the next steps. I thanked everyone for their time and walked out with my head held high and took an early lunch which allowed me to get my head back together before my afternoon meetings.

Going Forward Plans

After this setback, I took some time to decide if this company's good points outweighed its blatant power struggles and inside politics.

Once again, it's important to look at the big picture and realize that other forces might be at play.

Is the current situation a growing cancer, or is it an isolated incident? 

If it's an isolated incident, soldier on and continue the good work that you do. If it is part of a growing problem, decide whether it's worth the frustration it is causing you.  It might be time to move on to greener pastures.

The Grass is Greener on the Other Side of the Fence

 

I'm a consultant who owns my own business. I am successful and I am happy. No word of a lie, at least once a month someone comes to me for advice about going out on their own. They are usually tired of taking orders from someone else, or in fear of being let go from their position--they wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. They see my success and muse, "If she can do it, I'm sure I can."  

Can you?

The short answer is yes, you can!  You can do anything you set your sights on.  All that stands between you and your goal is hard work and sacrifice. If you think your goals will magically fall into your lap, stay where you are.  But if you are willing to go out there and work, work, and then work some more, I promise you, the end result will have you feeling powerful, in control of your destiny, and happy.  

Today's the day to start planning a change in your life.   

Organize a Little

Organization isn't about perfection. It's about efficiency, reducing stress & clutter, saving time & money, and improving your overall quality of life.

- Christina Scalise

Author

Did you know that there's actually an organization for getting organized?  I kid you not.  And they have declared January as National Get Organized Month.  

Who am I to argue with that?  Personally, I'm always frustrated when I can't find something. Trying to find that elusive item can instantly put me in a bad mood. So when I come across a great organzing tip that makes my life easier, I want to climb the highest mountain and share it with the world.  Now where did I put that mountain....

Here's a post that I wrote awhile back in 2012 on my Walking In Pretty Shoes blog. It is a great DIY idea for organizing your jewelry. It became very popular very quickly. I hope you enjoy it too.

Setting Goals for the New Year

The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.

- Melody Beattie 

Self-help author

I can't stress enough how important it is to set goals for yourself. If you don't have a plan, how can you move forward? Many people talk about making a change in their lives, but to make change into reality, you need to write your goals down and refer to them often. Here's how I track my goals and keep myself motivated to continue to strive toward them. It's easy and it's free.

BTW, I'm not receiving any compensation from the company. I'm pretty sure they don't even know I exist. :-)

My Definition of Success

Scarlett and I

The Business Dictionary provides this definition:

"Colloquial term used to describe a person that has achieved his or her personal, financial or career goals. It could also be used to describe an individual that has more objects (money or any other desirable item) relative to another individual."  

I see it as waking up every day and knowing that you are on a journey that has, and will continue to, make you smile and feel happy.  It's a fulfilling one with ups and downs, but the ups are amazing and far offset the downs.

While one can always hope for more money, the feeling of success is when you have enough of it so that you can do what you want to do.

As a woman, you are confident in yourself, and in control of your life.  Others may add to it; however, you do not rely on them to move forward and you are not afraid to walk your own path. Others will say, "I could do that," but they don't take the risks--you do.

I have achieved success.  I have worked hard for it.  I am happy.

This blog is about sharing the tools I use regularly with other women who want to feel empowered, enjoy life, and move confidently through it.  You'll see posts from all aspects of my life.

I hope I inspire you to be the best you can be and enjoy life to its fullest.